Darkness

The darkness is here
I felt it coming
I asked for help
But I wasn’t heard
The darkness is here
It hurts
It’s here and now I accept it
I sit with it
I try not to get suffocated
I breathe
And cry
And breathe
And cry
I wait for the numbness

It’s oddly comfortable

And now I wait
It will pass
Eventually
All things do

It’s lonely
Not knowing how to find help
It’s embarrassing
Not knowing too
Feeling misunderstood
Or like part of the landscape
The part that doesn’t need tending
Because it’s just there and takes care of itself
The undergrowth
The ground cover
Provides stability for the trees and the soil
Sometimes it flowers
Mostly it quietly
Dutifully
Exists

Clarity comes when the numbness settles
I know the triggers
I know the signs
I breathe in
And out
I wait

There is comfort in the clear numbness
Then alone is not lonely
Alone is comfort
Alone is peace
It is Pieces
Fractured
Too many to gather
Too many to integrate
Numbness permits inaction
It gives relief

I need relief

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